[x]Name: Rachel =P
[x]Birthday: 24.Sep.1988
[x]Pets: a dinosaur.

The School Side
[x]School Name: CGHS
[x]Do you have "school spirit"? haha, did we?
[x]Fave subject: hospitality and english.
[x]Cafeteria Food: nachos + salsa + sour cream...we hardly bought anything else did we?

This or That?
[x]Pop or Country?  a mix of that is actually quite good, i like The Wreckers
[x]Rap or Rock? ROCKKKKK!!!
[x]Classical or Latin? Classical
[x]Chicken or Beef?  Chicken...
[x]Fruits or Veggies? Veggies, im not picky about veggies.
[x]Horror or Comedy? Comedy
[x]Cinema or Renting? Renting...i cannot sit on my bum for 3 hours until it's Harry Potter =P
[x]City or Country?  somewhere in between
[x]LiveJournal or Xanga? either.
[x]Silver or Gold? silver...white gold is good too...but expensive.
[x]Surfing or Skateboarding? um, skateboarding cos i cant swim so safer for me...
[x]T.V or Computer? computer..TV you can't choose what you wanna do as much.
[x]Summer or Winter? Summer...i can wear more sexy clothing.
[x]Spring or Fall? Fall...cos spring means the alive-ness of bugs again...noooo~

Favorites
[x]Color: Black + Red
[x]Animal: Dog
[x]Food: thats a hard one...changes from time to time.
[x]Candy: i like kinder surprises...
[x]Song: any Evanescence song...I like breathe no more quite a lot, i love its simple and to the point lyrics.
[x]Band: Evanescence...no shit.
[x]Movie: um, used to be Good Will Hunting...dont remember what movie i liked...*thinks*
[x]Hangout Place: Andrew's Place...gotta love that big bed and the budgies.
[x]Drink: NUDIES!!! peach + coconut the best!
[x]Game: Kingdom Hearts - a better version of FF i reckon...more kid like..and im kid like so yeah.
[x]Sport: i like sport?! lol, i like tennis a lot actually.
[x]Radio Station: 2Day FM, but begin to like triple M because of more differnt stuff. like that chaser song...haha
[x]TV Station: ten.
[x]TV show: The chasers war on everything,
[x]Smell: huh? um. Andrew's aftershave cream thing.
[x]Flower: mini red roses
[x]Store: i like this new shop in the city, sussex st, called Shibuya...japanese goth clothes.
[x]Teacher: mr blunden was the best. lol. funny man.
[x]Cartoon Character: um. NANA count? its an anime...

Friends
Which one of your friends is....
[x]The Sweetest: mary i guess.
[x]The Most Understanding: winnie.
[x]The Best Listener:  winnie...well she did get the award from me didnt she?
[x]The Most Caring: everyone really.
[x]The Funniest: choi
[x]The Craziest: mary
[x]The Smartest: jing & mandy...Grrrr..lol
[x]The Best Singer: ME!!! ME!...lol how cheating.
[x]The Most Interesting: priscilla...shes so random.
[x]The Most Honest: um. no one i know is as blunt as me i reckon.
[x]The Most Trustful: um...choi i think.
[x]The Cutest: maki O.o no one can beat her in that department.

Crazy Questions
[x]If you were an MM, which one would you be and why? i'd be a...white one. white one more special.
[x]What do you want to do when you're out of school? i am outta school technically speaking. i wanna be a rockstar.
[x]If you were an animal, which would you be and why? i wanna be a unicorn...hey, it didnt exclude imaginery ones.
[x]What song best describes you and why? "Good Enough": Evanescence...cos im always wondering whether im good enough for my family and lover, and "Rockstar": Nickelback...cos its lyrics are good and explain what i wanna be haha "I wanna be a rockstar~"
[x]Which friend of yours do you identify with most and how? um, most of the time simona, we hang out more, and since we both have white guys as partners, things are easier to talk about sometimes.

About Love
[x]Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? yes.
[x]Name? Andrew
[x]What do you like most about them? his changing eye colour and mainlt his pretty eyes.
[x]Do you have a crush? yes, but i think its more "admire" than a crush.
[x]Do they know that you like them? guess not.
[x]What do you like most about them? wouldn't you like to know.
[x]Do you plan on marriage? well, yes and no.
[x]Do you believe in love at first sight? um, not love but a connection yes.
[x]Do you believe in soul mates? a little.
[x]Do you want children after marriage? yes...babies are cute..hehe but ppl often say that its not cute if you dont have to take care of them...so *shrugs*
[x]Whats the most important thing to you in a relationship? trust, communication, compromise; i think communication is really important to ensure what both parties want, to keep to realtionship going ans happy.
[x]What song reminds you of your bf/gf or crush? "Chasing Cars": Snow Patrol...its kinda our song now...since we are lazy bums and lie everywhere...hahaha

Religion
[x]Do you believe in polytheism? whats that?
[x]Do you believe in monotheism? im confuzzled...
[x]Do you consider yourself a religious person? no. absoulutely not.
[x]Do you love your God? sleeping god (chinese thing) yes.

When Was The Last Time You...
[x]Told someone you loved them: a few hour ago over msn.
[x]Brushed you teeth: this morning.
[x]Ate food: 2 mintues ago...
[x]Saw a movie: in cinema...yoinks ago, not since Happy Feet...like renting ones...saw on the plane.
[x]Danced: um...not since formal...but if you count random spinning around...i do that most everywhere.
[x]Told someone how you felt about them(as in like...i like you..ok?): i never really had to...

well no luck with that goth dress...the shop had a letter stuck on the door the day i went back...and basically implied that haven't paid rent...*sighs* so i took a photo of that photo of the dress.

HK ain't too big on cosplay at the moment. it kinda died down... goth clothing quite expensive...a whole dress costs HKD$690, and the skirt costs about $300...i might as well buy shoes. lol. the leather boots i saw was $380 (on sale...summer time coming soon, no one's gonna buy boots if they don't sell it i guess)..and converse style/material knee hi "boots" were about $200...the leather one wasnt too comfy but as my cousin said, leather stuff have to be worn a while before its comfy, and the shop owner let me tried on new ones...

GOTH BARBIE !! apparently it's a huge insult to the actually goths out there ;P (So anyone feeling insulted?)...yes i think even the emo community (if you can call it that) would be offended too...maybe  got to see it first before i make a judgement...

about shopping...yes doing a lot...i really shouldn't -.-" , shouldn't spend too much $$$. You know what...i keep on forgetting to haggle (you know you can't do that in Aus...)..and my cousins and aunts were like "ask for a cheaper price!"...then i finally remembered and realise i can ask for a cheaper price, no matter you're in a shopping centre or a market...

I'm worrying about weight limit of lugagge more now...and it's only the forth day...i mostly bought clothes...doesnt be a problem eh? if it was a problem i'll just wear 10 layers and take them off after i went through the check-in...lol. i would be fat for once then.

even tho its sunny here today...the sky is still cloudy...talk aboit polution...i miss the blue sky~

well. i'm really bored. so here:

1.If you were a genre of music, what would you be?  I'd be glam rock...pretty kind of rock...(fuck that doesnt reflect me at all obviously im not pretty)

2. If you were a movie, what genre would you be? hehe, the emo NANA, in the movie NANA...=P 

3. If you were a color, what would you be and why? BLACK. you can kinda guess why....

4. If you were a piece of jewelry, what would you be? a princess silver pedent...it's pretty *shrugs* how come i always get called that...even by cafe customers. am i pretty or do i just appear spoilt O.o

5. If you were the president of the United States, what would you do?  some how tell the secret service to kill George Bush...Tony Blair...and John Howard.

6. If you were having a wedding tomorrow, what would it be like? asking a girl that probably not the wisest idea~ i would be the princess? lol. nice wedding...in somewhere like a garden, a pretty garden would be good. no church for me.

7. If you were given the chance to meet anyone, who would you meet in the film and music biz? You can pick 4: Evanescence...but it has 5 members now...well I'm just not meet John. lol. He's not interesting enough for me.

8. If you could go on a date with your dream man, what would you do on the date and what your dream man be like? um. good looking, adores me, and sing well (obviously not you Andrew.lol), can play piano would be good too. dream date? um. He playing whatever i want him to on the piano? a GRAND piano.lol.

9. If you could be any age for the rest of your life, what age would you be and why? currently people thinks im 14, and have been for 3 years. so...um..yeah. i'd be 18 tho. can drink but have an excuse for acting stupid...

10. If you were forced to be a doctor, what kind would you be and why? the killing people type?! lol. nah, i dunno actually. maybe...a work experience doctor (less to do)...hahaha~

11. If you were a painting, what would you look like? fucked up? in an absract (cant spell) one.

12. If you had to choose between love or friendship, which would you choose? i think i choose love. i crave on it more i think...just being honest.

13. If you had to be a teacher, what would you teach and why? teach music. what a bludge. a craft teacher in primary school even more so, make something simple and it would take them forever and they are SOOOO amused that you did it so quickly.

14. If you found out you were Princess Diana's daughter or son and Prince was your father, how would you deal with it? I'd kill my father for having an affair and ruining her life.

15. If you weren't you, who would you be? I wouldnt be me then obviously?! I'd hope to be someone who's emotionally more stable.

NO BLACK CORSETS?! that's where you're wrong angela. especially when there is a plentyful amount of cosplay shops. you are *not* goth. you dont wear black dresses, you dont owe black boots, you dont wear stockings nor knee hi socks. at least im half way there. FUCK YEAH~ getting that goth dress is i can fucken found out how much it is...and whether i fit good in that...

Finally met my baby niece...she's quite big for a 3months old. kinda cute...dont respond much...but lol. she does when she know s a camera is pointing at her. not camrea shy at all...lol

bought clothes today...well i saw this shop and walked in with no intention to buy anything...but i ended up with a bill over HKD$1000...>.< some clothes are for my mum...or so i say...=P but come on...it was winter clearance sales cos its turning summer here...

saw my other aunt and gradma today...shes pretty good for a 87 year old. quite active but slightly deaf...i had to shout at her...felt kinda embarrassed about that...shouting across the table.

bought some toys too. saw a caspule machine with TOFU MAN. can you believe it? he actually exists!!!so shut up you TAFE lot. lol. and bought little things for the bumclub. sorry guys. you onlu get little things because well. i suck, and i needed winter clothes...and my suitcase is small...

kinda miss everyone back home...obviously NOT my mum but yeh.

done a bit of thinking today. i dont think i would like to live in HK for the long term...i dont like the high rise everywhere. the sky is always fuzzy cos of the polution...dont like the fast paced environment...even tho at least i know i'd get somewhere on time...

dont know what i feel like doing now...people aint picking up their dman phones still...probably all gone to holiday since 5 days in a row. HK people dont have that often...or any...really.

i kinda running out of things to say...go shopping again tomolo? *sigh* public hoiday...tho everything is opened...can go to most cos either want to wait till andrew's here too...or i wanna visit my kindergarden teacher...and obviously schools wont be opened on weekends or public holiday...

i wanna buy a phone...fell in love with the Nokia 6300...avaliable at Aus too...but...*sighs* its too expensive for me to afford in here too. price is about the same as aus is you convert it...so im not worrying about it too much...and before i went i saw that i can go on a virgin plan $20 per month and have $20 credit per month...great for me, i dont use much and for virgin voicemail is free and sms is the cheapest. so yeah.

signing off...ran outta things to say. 

Plane ride was...okay. I got really bored tho. sat next to an old lady and we talked sometimes. Dinner on plane was awesome...i love plane meals. I watched shit loads of stuff but hardly finished everything...i always just press stop in the middle of it. I watched Marie Antoinette-in fast forward cos it wasnt as enjoyable as i thought it would be...i think i'll read the book instead. Watched Stranger than Fiction, very entertaining but i stopped in the middle cos my attention span on the plane wasnt good enough.

Watched a bit of simpsons, watched all SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS... awesome theme song! who lives in a pineapple under the sea?...rofl. great show...watched Family Guy...i still think its weridly lame...like its funny but its not.

accidently put pepper in my tea...stupid packaging that makes salt, pepper, and sugar look all the same!!!!

*sighs* bought clothes today after yum cha....all short sleeves...i need WINTER clothes...i have one long sleeve and thats it...and *no~* the shops have all changed seasons here...to summer...ARGHHHHH...with any luck i should pick up a few clearence sales.

Yum Cha was really odd cos no one walks around pushing trolleys of food any more. it sucks! it loses the whole traditional fun of it. you order dim sims through "forms"...like you tick what you want and they'll cook it cos it'd be fresh...i don't freaken care...i want to chase a old lady with food like i used to!!!

saw a pretty goth-ish dress today..dunno how much it was...the shop havent opened...the shop trading hours are crazy here...from 11am to 10pm...like what happened to 9 till 5?! oh well...i'll appreciate it soon enough. then i found some boots (unforunately not goth ones) it was HKD$1000..like um. no. lol. oh and i gotta put red streaks through my hair as i promised Ash...and in case you're wondering...Angela i'm not trying to "follow" you...if anything i had a fetish with emo + goth people before you...just like to clear that up.

I might just go downstairs (i live on the 14th floor and thank goodness not any higher) and shop for no reason...im really bored and my family is playing mah jong...like real fun. cant wait till Andrew's here....

Want anything pplz?...like Angela & Choi...who reads my blog...and im NOT buying shitloads of manga for you sorry Choi. Earn then spend some money on the expensive imports in Kinokuniya....im so evil....Muhahahahaha. They're just too heavy really. I want books too.

It's so foggy here.....bored. I got a HK mobile, so if anyone wanna text me ,email me and i'll text you. Can you believe that local sms costs only 80cents?!! thats like...nothing since HKD$6 = AUD$1....its like 1cent?! and international sms is HKD$1....*faints* i wish sms was cheapass in Sydney...gay phone company...

Argh. I'll be online laters. I think I'll go for a walk now.

let's see how many topics i and jump to...to vetify that girl talk is actually quite confusing since we jump from topics to topics quite quickly. Here it goes:

1 ] Tafe: is always the first topic now...lol. Now I'm only singing half a song, and playing cowbell in another! Oh its a damn important job...my cowbell! anyways its ok since i'm not doing much, im not even sure whether the teacher will bother to let me sing my song with Ash playing the piano cos the concert is on Wednesday, 28th March [come along @ 12.30 - Ultimo Tafe near the canteen/cafe]...that's a bit late isn't it? but oh well, there's another concert at the end of the semester...around May or June maybe? I'm not sure but I'll definately sing in that [well i better be!].

had a open book test...it wasn't as straight forward as i thought, but well, if it was easy then it would totally defeat the purpose of a test wouldnt it? and since my teacher is quite funny, the last question had nothing to do with music at all....it was a sports question. i got it wrong...typical. everyone just guessed tho...except Adam...i think.

2 ] Yesterday I washed my clothes and was hanging them in the balcony and i ran into a yellow-ish spider web (sounds stupid...DON'T LAUGH..wait...even I'm laughing), anyways, after i fixed myself up, there was this big spider there...as big as my palm and so i hung my clothes then i tried to walk back into the lounge room...and it kinda looked at me...well it seemed like it anyways, with those EIGHT big eyes...(lol, imagine human with 8 eyes, isnt that funny? haha..kinda gross actually...where would they fit?!)...now this morning mum sprayed everything she could at it...first it was pest control thingy...then a carpet cleaning spray, then a bug spray [yes, -.-"], but the spider is *still there*. its just worth a mention cause mum was funny.

3 ] I tried out at Inferno Caffe...the people there were fine and i got paid, but i didnt like it. i think i didnt like it because i have lost the passion in the hospitality industry...just not enjoying it anymore. i enjoy cooking for family and friends and setting up tables for them... like in a fun way...but not as a career anymore.

So today i got an interview with CLF at Macquarie Uni~! It's a job that was passed onto me by Andrew...since his friend's mum is a manager there. It's a job helping disable people and just basically make learning easier for people. It's a very casual job, so i would still need a proper job, but still I want this job, sounds like something I wanna do. Cos I've been thinking about learning sign language and do something with it after the music courses. the interview was really done "properly"...water on the big table, 2 people on the other side, asking me questions...>.< but i think i went okay.

4 ] saw a real life cinderella today. this little girl was crying up the stairs at eastwood station as her mum was carrying the pram...dunno what she was crying about (they were speaking in korean) but then the girl was trying to hurry along with her mum then drop her little cute and sparkly pink slipper. hehe. it was so cute.

5 ] done some thnking...love, admiration, and envy have only a fine line between them...first one comes with laugher, second a smile and the last a smirk. kinda weird...dont you think? its kinda hard for oneself to know what im feeling.

6 ] Read Choi's "ice cream" blog, and checked all the different flavour icecream out...http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/photospecials/graph/060528icecream/1.html probably not the best idea when i *just* ate a Rocky Road icecream cone...i felt so sick after that.

7 ] Oh and habour bridge walk was FUCKING AWESOME!!! i walked with andrew, simona and chris~ since we walked at night, they gave us a free orange hat with a little white lightbulb on it. so the whole bridge looked very pretty indeed! i enjoyed it!

8 ] went to the Amazing human body show too. at Moore Park. slightly gross, but...oh well, its what going on inside on us really. the yucky-est thing was the lung of a city person...since pollution it made it have random black dots everything...no good.

9 ] so...im going to HK soon! yay!...but i need a job still. so yeah.

9 topics not bad huh? lots to read for you.

10 ] wait i forgot i wrote my first song at tafe with alex, ed and dean.e! the teacher made us compose a song...and said should start with a title...we started with "unaware" and wanted to write a song about that the person was unaware of the things around them...but somehow *that person* got trapped in a box, so we wrote about a dude who got stuck in a box and cant get out...and the song it called "Lost Box" instead...lol.

okay i should stop there. 10 topics for you! =) i'm so terrible in signing off...lol

First of all...as i checked out Avril's new single...WTF happened? of all things her website is pink now? *dies*...she dances in her video?! omg... 

got sick this week. being sick sucks. cos it always starts with a sore thorat, and man, i need my voice for my class...kinda depressing when my shower time is so quiet too...no echo of my own voice...

i feel sorry for andrew having to take care of me. i have depression...so i just randomly bawling my eyes out for no reason sometimes and freaked him out. then i got my breathing problems...thank goodness he got he's first aid cerificate. then theres the odd sickness of cold and everything. sometimes i wish i wasnt unwell at all, he shouldnt have to deal with a person like me...sick all the time.

anyways. performing class is a mess at the moment (or thats what i think) i think maybe because the teacher can only supervise one group at a time...and sometimes in some groups we just dont know what we are doing. im a little upset that we are not allowed to sing Evanescence just because the teacher's neighbour plays their CD 24/7 so the teacher doesnt like it...and they were the ones to teach us to be more "open minded to different kinds of music and respect other people's choices of music"...sure sure.

made a lot of friends at tafe...well no one hates each other yet. lol. we all sit together at breaks and lunchtime. certainly there's the "group" thing happening like high school. i sit with Ash (dude) and Chantelle mostly...

i'm getting my hands on the piano (yes i want one. you damn society which makes them so expensive...even though i only want a weighed digital piano/keyboard at least about $1000...totally Gaylord Focker), can play a bit of stuff, know my scales. Played a bit of drums. fun fun. everyone is like that in the class tho, only very rarely that a muso would only know one thing.

I'd like to think TAFE life is better than uni life, and so far it seems so. people say its hard to make friends at uni, and i think so too. i saw a old friend of mine -- Stephaine, she told me that she only went to uni for 2 days and she already hated it....only went 2 days man....in a 4 year course?! haha.

 i cant get out of the  whole depression thing, maybe its time to see a doctor...i'm so not movitated to do shit...not any i have to...or forced to. like i'd rather stay home and do nothing then go out very much. i rather lock myself alone at home. i do not know what the fuck im doing to myself. im not eating well, always really tired. people think im bloody lazy cause of that and i dont like it. im not lazy i...just have no moivitation to do anything. i seem to have even given up of doing anything with my guitar.

performance class r ok, kinda happy that i dont need to sing "how to save a life" anymore. i just couldnt do it. i feel so bloody stupid. doing beautiful disaster instead. *touch wood* its not gonna be a disaster in my performance at the concert.

please tell me if you are interested in coming. its at my tafe (ultimo) i think the teacher said 12.30 to 1.30...ish. its a lunchtime concert. please dont make carboard signs of my name...MARY, seriously. dont...you'd make me laugh on stage.

*sighs* i so confused about my brain at this moment....

i feel so useless in class sometimes. im slowly getting the hang of 7th chords and im getting slightly positive...but i do love my class....just wish i felt a bit more talented.

um, yes. i have a very stange way of thinking now. maybe i watched too many tv shows. all love ends with betrayal....and people in my life seem to do that too...its so hard to try to trust them 100% for me. its hard when i think about it. my family didnt exactly gave me a great impression of how relationships are like, and well my first love...i bawled my eyes out for that petty 2.5 years. and well i dont even know what i feel towards everyone now. *sigh*

oh well. just so you know im still reading "NANA"...that comic just made me not wanna go to bed....not so good. at least im rented them in the comic book store at eastwood...cheaper. $1 per book...rather than buying for $8 at kinokuniya.

*sighs* back to my depressing mode. seriously i think this is turning into a big problem for me. so im NOT emo, and DON'T LAUGH, you fuckwit....you know who you are....

and im finally going to HK....FINALLY...after 7 years. someone go with me....

its quite odd that the weekend after i put "how to save a life" on my video player i got to perform it at TAFE...

lately i don't think i'm doing very well. suddenly got so depressed, and i can assure you its not PMS...come on. if i did i'd have cramps and won't even have time to have pms.

just started feeling like i'm not quite talented to be amongst everyone in my class...and i didnt quite know the words enough to the song, since i only got obsessed with it over that weekend, so i felt so stupid. but then it seem like i was the only one who actually knew the bloody song. *dies*

but on second thought that if i wasnt talented enough, i wouldnt be in the class right? *sighs* we don't just let anyone in...i think/hope.

i have assignments due...that i hardly know how to make it a good assignment to hand in....aong analysing...yes, great....Look, i really love my course. if you know me you would know that this is everything i ever wanted to dp, but why am i feeling like this even though i know this is my dream?

on a good note, im seeing evanescence concert tonight! woot, and andrew is getting me a tour shirt! double-woot! yeah can't wait. and after the concert...apparently we gotta write a review about a live performance, no doubt i will write about it.

andrew...stop getting jealous ok? he's my classmate who plays the piano thats all...haha. silly little blackie. i <3 u....not....hahahaha, just kidding. we are really the strangest couple ever. always trying to confuse each other....it's MIND-BOGGLING...i love that "word".

oh and i voted today...first time ever. so boring...the ballot paper only had 3 people on it...however i did my bit...i didnt put a smiley face on it...i did my civil duty...

lalala...well I survived the first week of TAFE!!! and I can indeed go to the arvo tea @ CGHS so thats good news...cant wait to see everyone again!

job hunting is still going.....

um, cant think so anything to say really...mmmm

Happy Valentines Day soon? lol

oh um, check out the new youtube video. If you cant see it...your browser aint cool enough, hehe, just kidding. that whole window thing is a bribe...no window developed software, no see window live space cool stuff. bill gates is an asshole...dunno how it got to that...but he is.

and Steffi says a big HELLO to everyone. yeah me and her been emailing each other...so yeah. send her an email or two.

I might upload...later on, anf if i have time, some of my old poems, so maybe see what you think and i might be able to use them for my composition later...yes, my course makes us read music >.< help with the major and minor chords...and cycle of fifths? i still dont get that...

    hehe, Journey...just decided to annoy everyone...

    Started proper TAFE this week...seriously I don't know how you uni lot of gonna wake up to a...say 8am lecture if your uni is in the city. As told i nlast entry. i have 3 days of 9am start...and im like: FUCK we had way~ too much student vacation. lol..waking up at normal CGHS school time to go to TAFE seems a struggle....like hit SNOOZE....only twice tho...anymore snooze and i'll be late.

    First day was really cool, we had to set up and got jamming, the teacher made us do "Stand By Me" by John Lennon...did realise he wrote that but anyways, it was so fun. the drums, the bass, guitar, piano and keyboard, microphones everything was going. we still wonder why on earth our music room is right next to the library....people used to complain about the noise i heard -- you would too if you knew how much music...not noise, we made.

     [i hate thunder...the sky is angry now just so you know]

     We did some music theory after that...cycle of fifths...wtf?! oh well, better learn it to pass. Second was ok, wasnt so much fun, didnt do very much. and arvo was worst...the teacher kept telling his life story...*yawn*...lucky i was allow to escape this coming week cause i wanna go to the arvo tea @ CGHS.

     last day for the week @ TAFE...which is today, was interesting. learn stuff about chord major and minor...im still @-@ at that. the teacher is and some of others did "Oh Happy Days" and something else to demostrate the chords and shit. fucken hard.

    i love break times, we all get to hang out and jam a little, and its funny now cause by today (the 3rd day) we know each other pretty ok-ish well, and the group is split in 2...and you're like...um...who to sit with...i hang out with the slightly younger group...for obvious reasons. but we all get along really well. we have this old-ish guy like he said was 34 or something and he's kinda funny...we always seem to laugh at everything he does cause its like...its not like hes funny but...you should get what i mean.

     Ash brought shit loads of bread for us to eat cause he works at bakers delight...mmmmmmmmmmm....chocolate crossiant.

     the tafe tables aint enough to fit us all....lol, we need to squish up a lot of the time...oh and only 3 people in the whole class (20) don't smoke...my throat is getting a little irritated and thats crap cause i need the sing! but i do love hanging out with all of them and jamming randomly cause as i said our room is right beside the library (and inside the same complex) so we sit outside the library at break time -- since we musos are so lazy....people are like why the fuck is everyone playing guitars and singing....lol

     by the way guys, this semester (we have 2 semesters) we have 2 outdoor -- like not in class concert....you guys might be able to attend to those..first one at tafe: a lunchtime concert, and later a end of term concert at UTS's glasshouse (whatever that means)...   

    I went to TAFE info day at Ultimo on tuesday...it was kinda funny, on the way to TAFE i was doubting myself thinking: omg did i choose the right course, am i meant to be here...was if i dont like it... all these crap thoughts going through my head, and then the funny thing is that i soon as i enter the room...thinking i must be late...theres already a room full of people...and then i was like  sorry.... and good that the teacher informed me that i *was not* late, and the sudden that i sat down, i was like: This feels good, I sooooo belong here...

     people kept arriving late...im sure its cityrail's fault (lol) and the teachers had to put us in 2 groups. i got Group 1 was make my timetable as: Monday and Tuesday 9.00am till 5.30pm, with Wednesday 9.00am till 1.00pm. not bad. and the other group gets wednesday arvo and the rest of the week. its kinda good im in group one so i get to work longer on thursdays i suppose.

    by the time that everyone was there, the room was full and ran out of chairs, there were only about 40 people there. I felt so damn special that i got picked out from as the teacher said "extremely high demand" course. I just felt so good.

     we were informed by our teachers that for this year, guitarist and vocalist were the most popular musical "instrutments" amongst us. and that this year, we will be able to use a REAL recoding studio down the road!!! but since im in group1 i'd have to wait till next semester...(theres 2 semesters)

     After the information session, mum (who works in the city) took me to see a chinese doctor who does chinese massages to fix your problems. and he had to fix my period cramp problem...and man, it does hurt a little..>.<, but after that i went to buy myself something to "reward" myself...since i feel so damn special and all....hehe, its a little dog tag and a little guitar together -- both silver (but then when have you seen me wearing gold?!)

     and tafe starts on this monday...T-T...i want more sleep. lol...Job hunting...evil boss still not giving me shifts...oh and lookig forward to Evanescence concert....oh and today i bought a "Oh my god they've killed kenny" South Park guitar pick...just so you know randomly.

     well, the slight grumpy-ness have turned into depress-ness. once again i dont know very much why i start crying and why i suddenly stop, but i really like just typing all my anger...and other things here...i will be using lyrics from the song "good enough" from Evanescence -- The Open Door, and with any luck, it should be on the youtube player.

"Under your spell again, I can't say no to you. Crave my heart and its bleeding in your hands, I can't say no to you"

     I guess I'm in the whole depression whirlpool thing again. i can't seem to control it...sometimes its like its never gonna stop, and once it stops it doesnt come around for a while...

"Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly, and I can't let go of this dream, I can't breathe..."

     I know i shouldn't give in so easily and its really hard. Andrew has so ever optimistic about everything and im not, but i guess that is good, cos he tries to get me outta the house and do something and take me mind off things.

     Lately i just feel like im not good enough for everything. i'm not good enough for work (no shifts for 2 weeks), not good enough for great tertiary education, don't feel i'm deserving of anything, don't think i'm pretty enough, somehow the usually pretty confident me...thinks that i aint good enough for much.

     mum said i won't have a future in music. "what can you do?" i can think of a lot to do...sound and lighting technician, stuff like that besides a vocalist. my course covers quiet a bit here and there. and i started to doubt whether im good enough to have a living out of that. i know i certainly am doing this course because of i want a career out of the course and not just interest only. and then somehow i got a sore throat and my voice went bad...and still is a little, and i started doubting whether i can sing or not. but i thought that i got through the audition, it must mean something....or am i  just making myself believe this dream? I just want to sing, does that sound too naive? people who really know me knows im in love with music. It's never far away from me....

"but i feel good enough...i feel good enough for you~"

     I feel slightly strange with Andrew on the grounds of what the fuck in me attracts guys so quickly? it hasnt been a year that i broke up with another guy and i'm out with someone. i dont know whats within me that's feeling that its just strange. i dont think i am attractive at all. dont get me wrong, im perfectly happy with him. i just dont see whats so good about me people would want to go out with me...i know i shouldnt be complaining....

"Drink up sweet decadence, I can't say no to you. and I've completely lost myself and I don't mind, I can't say no to you"

     I don't really seem to care about what i feel anymore...I don't even realise what i feel like half the time. I don't even know why is that i cry so much. I feel such a wimp sometimes. why do i have so much to cry about? like all the chips and chocolate in the world don't make it feel any more good.

"Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely, and I can't let go of this dream, can't believe that I feel..."

     Went to Andrew's friend's farewell party, that guy got a scholarship in a military college at canberra. at the end of the night, his dad made a little speech saying how proud he is of his own son. then i felt so much like crying because i felt like im utterly useless. i don't feel like anyone in my family is the slightest proud of anything i did or am going to do. I just want to feel being supported...why do i feel like everything i do its not worth people's encouragement?

"Good enough, I feel good enough, it's been such a long time coming but i feel good..."

     I guess...i don't know what i feel. I feel like I'm good enough. I tell myself that I'm okay and I'm good enough for anything that I'm capable of, but it seems not true, is it?

"and I'm still waiting for the rain to fall, pour real life down on me...cause i can't hold on, to anything this good enough"

     everything that is good enough, that im satisfy with seems to slip through my hand so easily, then am i not deserving? Am i meant to be just one of those people who shouldn't complain about what they have? it seems like i have all i need, but at the same time i feel like i don't have much...maybe i'm just too materialistic?

     i just feel like good things or really just anything, just like disappear before my eyes. Sometimes it's like...why does my life turn out this way?  I really want to get to know my grandfather but he passed away when i was about one or two, and cannot get to know him. My dad, an asshole, but nevertheless left burden for me and my mum. it is *not* fun being a child in a single family. My so called "half sister". I was...honestly, excitied to know i have some kinda of sister, but she died when she was three due to some whatever problem with her, but i did want to get to know her. My friend, who's funeral i could not attend because im here, in australia, and i cannot go back and see her due to the fact that we dont have the money to and i couldnt anyways because of the legal system which restricts things regarding to passports for a child in the single family, all we could do was send flowers, it just felt so bad, felt like we couldn't do anything....so helpess.

"Am i good enough, for you to love me too?"

    good question isn't it? everyone just want everyone else's attention and acceptance. I don't really feel like i'm very good. and how can you love someone else if you don't even love yourself?

"so take care what you ask of me...cause i can't say no"

What kind of Rockstar are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

=======================================================================

Which Color Rose Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

====================================================

What Group Are You? Chav, Rocker, Skater, Emo, Goth, Trendy, Prepy Ect
created with QuizFarm.com

=======================================================================

i guess this doesnt come in a surprise...the surprise is that its 100%....

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

======================================================

=====================================

what breed of music are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

===================================================