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Flyleaf is awesome...anyways...

I feel awful lately...(yeah and thats really surprising isnt it.) just got to think all the things im not good at. thanks to people that do not concern about others feelings or people that just think they're on top of the world, so i guess i think about it too, maybe way too much but i guess once in a while you kinda just think about your place in the world. how good or bad you are. comparing to other people, are you doing okay? for me especially musically...how "talented" am i comes into a big part of my life and being a good musican is obviously tough.

SINGING: look, as my friend you are bound to say i sing good...or if you dont like it then you'll just nod your head anyways...i dont feel like i sing any good. but i do know i love singing. i cant think of anything that makes me happier and better...(shopping comes to a close second...O.o)...no one likes my voice enough i guess...well it doesnt help that my recorded voice sounds like a 10 year old...

MUSIC PREFERENCE: whats wrong with liking mainsteam stuff? there are amazing music in there. every song i ever like is because of its lyrics. so if thats mainstream, so be it.

RACE: sometimes outer apperance doesnt help, and certainly being asian, especially chinese. doesnt help anything. people only think your incapable, that your impolite, no common manners. im the only fucken person in the whole train carriage to get up for a pregnant lady, no one would move there fucken bags and crap off their seats. and anyways. i think its after missy higgins (cant believe that her name is in my blog...ew) that the Unearthed winner is a asian girl called Sophie Koh if i remembered correctly, why happened to her? Grinspoon and Higgins have their career fly off, and she had better songs than higgins. why, because shes asian? asian's not allow to have a decent career in music?! well thanks Australia.
        Everyone thinks they're better cos they speak english, they're more superior. "oh looking that person cant speak english properly" FUCK ur in the asia-pacific, why dont you learn an asian language, your closer to an asian country than you'll ever be anywhere else. and if anything, everyone should learn a ABORIGINAL language, its their land to begin with, i'd be happy to learn one. why restrict like as if they were criminals?!

ME: [overall] well im not even gonna go into that too much. i stand up for myself and thats wrong. im therefore stubborn. well fuck u then. im sorry if i act like a 12 year old. i had a love deprived childhood okay. so if that means i'll be 30 and running through the crowd like a kid to a fairy floss vending, then that's great, that's how i would be.

SADNESS: look sorry i really cnt help that. sometimes i just feel like bawling my eyes out and thats what i did at tafe last week cos i suddenly felt so much like a failure. and if i had spare money for psyche fees i would. and the shrink isnt even there for me to book an appointment. so there.

but in the end i could just be a failure...but then...
"and i know, i may end up failing too, but i know, you were just like me with someone disappointed in you"

HOW DARE I...to have an opinion.

HOW DARE I...want to be different.

HOW DARE I...want to be ordinary in some aspect.

HOW DARE I...to think that im any better than any person.

HOW DARE I...have depression and look at things in a pessimistic way.

HOW DARE I...think i am any good of a musician.

HOW DARE I...to think im any sort of a good person.

and for you to treat me like some sort of criminal or loser or anything that is a lower class/rank than you. so FUCK all the people who think they know about everything and anything in the world. FUCK YOU ALL.

sigh what can i say...its august already!

i kinda got thinking the other day. what would be so wrong if everyone tells what they truly feel? including who they like? i reckon it takes lots of guts to admit you like someone, even they already have a partner. i honestly reckon that if someone now told me that they like/love me. i would have a lot of respect for that someone cos he took the courage to say so. and really even if that happened to someone else, its really up to them whether they stick with the old partner or run away with this new guy. if someone is really committed then they would stick by their bf/gf anyways. no matter how many people say they are interesting in them, right?

the boots i bought in HK is kinda falling apart...damn made in china crap. so i kinda went for a walk to check out boots in here. see i bought the boots from Hk for $350 HK dollars...thats like what. 50 bucks ish...so there i am looking at boots...from Raben footwear...i saw these decent boots, only got a few buckles on it, wasnt too fancy. tried it on, asked for the price...$495!!! in aussie dollars too...sigh. *dies*

on the weekend i went yum cha with andrew's friends. there were the 5 of us and only i can speak cantonese so i can translate what dim sims are in front of us. hahaa. andrew didnt try a chicken foot still...anyways, my language channels didnt switch all that quickly on that day...hehe...then we went to chris's house (through a lot of speeding surely by the 2 drivers... and loud music...my kind of life...*dreaming*) and played Wii until late arvo...i wont mario party 8!!!...then trivia night. what a day.

i dont really know what else to type here. running outta thoughts.....i never have a computer with the net at the right time. i always think of something good to type in my blog and then only to be on a computer like a week later and forget about it all...yes im lazy, i cant be bothered writing it all down.

im really liking the new people in my tafe class. they're all so interesting and so diffferent. =D and no more annoying and totally slacking off people. and only people who can actually play and sing properly...unlike last semester...-.-" hope they reckon i can sing too! =)

the teacher got sick and we didnt have a afternoon class...so we hung out at the clarie hotel...played pool...i didnt bother drinking...come to think of it, nowadays everytime i go to the club for trivia night i always think i would drink and then only ended up being satisfied with a "sunrise"= orange juice + gradnadine (is that how you spell it...) it was kinda cool. just hanging out.

anyways i got this pretty good riff on the piano today...i think finally i can bloody compose a decent song! woot.

HAPPY BRITHDAY PRISCILLA...finally 18!!! woot!

i think as most people are...busy reading the final Harry Potter book...on the weekend...i'm more than half way through...only! *sigh*

well in case you havent heard, i got diagnose with depression during the week...shouldnt be a suprise to the people who know me...well i got referred to this psychologist...and as if i had the money to pay for one....so that idea is totally on hold even i would love to have 6 sessions over 3 months as suggested by the doc...but i'd like to spend more $$$ on music than a shrink. but it is true that i havent felt 100%....nor 75%....lately...lol. i dont even know why im laughing about it. how ironic.

i got my pre-ordered HP at macquarie Borders. the line was SOOOOO long and nobody told anyone that there was a collection station at the back. Mum only found it when i told her to get me a "we

well my weekend was pretty boring overall. I bought the Evanescence sheet music book -- "the open door" for my music class. so my money was....well...greatly decreased. lol.

i was supposed to complain about something about people being so competitive but kinda cant be bothered. i know my blog is pretty boring so *shrugs*.